Tell us about how you met your current partner?
Due to the epidemic we were in the middle of a lockdown in 2020 and since I was very upset, I started using Bumble. I wasn’t interested in dating like that but I came across Snow’s profile. I took the first step and we connected to the app. After a few days of texting and having great conversations, we met in real life, and that’s how it all started!
How do you know if you are ready to find a mate?
It was a slow process for me. I married my ex-partner who died in an accident in 2015. I have two beautiful babies with her. After being married for nine years, I was interested in giving dating shots, being open to opportunities, and dating people. But of course, initially, it was very difficult for me to start this journey because I had just lost my partner, and also I was trying to do something new after many days which made me feel very weak. But that is what happened.
What was your biggest concern about online dating as a single mom? And how did you overcome them?
The biggest concern was human purpose and safety. I didn’t want to waste my time and energy with random people I didn’t connect with. So, it was very important for me to talk to them for a long time before meeting them. It helped me to guess whether the person was telling me the truth, or whether it was worth my time and energy.
How did you introduce your partner to your children?
For my kids, I’ve always followed a ground rule – not everyone you date needs to meet your kids. If you have reached a certain point in your relationship and you feel that your partner is ready to meet your children, then you may want to consider introducing them. It is important that you feel safe enough to introduce your partner to your children. After dating for six months, I introduced Snow. The kids knew I was always texting someone or on the phone with someone, so they kept asking me about it. I kept it very simple and about six months later, I introduced him to my kids. He came home on weekends just to hang out, eat meals and play board games with the kids. Gradually, we all spent more time together because they hit it off very well.
What steps did you take to make sure your child was included even if you didn’t feel neglected when you started dating?
Okay, so first of all, before you even start dating, talk to your kids and tell them that this is something you plan to do. You are planning to meet other people, you are planning to go on a date, some may be casual, some may be serious. But the truth of the matter is that no matter what, your kids will always come first. And no one else will take away their time. So that confidence is something that parents have to give to their child. I talked to my kids about everything after their dad died. Also, I told them it was a very big possibility that I would go ahead and find someone else. I dated other people before the snow, and they met my kids, but nothing worked. Therefore, the important thing is to tell your children that even if you are in the same room with your partner, they are your priority.
Having said that, there is also an issue when you need to draw the line if the child behaves badly or behaves rudely, then you need to talk to them separately and find out what is happening. But it is important for you and your potential partner to let them know that it is important to include them in the decision to go out with the kids or to include them in working together. These little steps can really be taken to make their kids feel comfortable.
Did your child welcome the idea of dating you? Or did they resist?
I was quite lucky in this respect. My kids lost their dad when they were five and eight years old. From a young age, I talked openly with them about what my plans are, what I want to do, what I need out of life, and how I want to move forward. So for me, it made it easier because I was open and honest in my communication with them. So they accepted the snow and now we are engaged. They knew that as long as the mother thought it was safe and the mother was happy, it was good.
What are some of the barriers or judgments you face from society?
Indian society considers me a widow, so of course there is a lot of justice with that. That I should just survive, breathe, eat, work and do everything for my kids. This society does not understand that a person, no matter how young or old, needs their support after losing a partner through death, divorce or divorce. Examples where a single mother goes out late at night or an unmarried mother leaves her children with her parents and travels for a few weeks are despised by society. I’ve been unmarried for the last seven years and I know how people judge you but I’m sure it doesn’t affect me because at the end of the day I take care of my kids in support of my parents. And no one else.
What should a single mom expect when joining a dating platform?
Honestly, many Indian men do not understand the idea of single mom dating or being on a dating app. It may be felt that single mothers are desperate. That being said, there are still some good people out there who are educated, well-traveled and open-minded who can understand the journey of a single parent. As a single parent, I think you can decide how you want to add value to your life and the lives of your children. I think it’s your choice যদি whether you want to date or not, if you want, give yourself a chance when you’re ready, don’t lose hope!
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